I've never had a strong belief in an afterlife; as I've mentioned elsewhere, my mother and father, non-observant Jew and lapsed Catholic respectively, had a deep aversion to the spritual cosmologies they were raised on, so their children were raised in the Unitarian Church, which is not big on Heaven or Hell or Eternal Judgement. Though, of course, there's religion and there's culture - you can deny the first but you can't necessarily flip an off- switch on the second. So my sister and I still wound up absorbing a lot of the Judeo-Christian mythology into our imaginations.
What that means is that despite my conscious skepticism, I find myself wondering if the ones I've lost are in some place like Heaven, and if they ever look back in my direction, or even intercede in my life in some way.
In other words, angels.
Again, the moment these thoughts float to the surface of my brain, I bat them away. But they return, dependably.
At some very low moments, I even say to my "angels", "Hey, if you're up there, I could use some fucking help here."
Just to be clear, I haven't gotten any responses. Yet. And no intercessions either.
Unless I have. Maybe those moments when something beautiful catches my eye and lifts me out whatever gloom I've wandered into are my angels saying, "Hey yourself. Here's some help."
What that means is that despite my conscious skepticism, I find myself wondering if the ones I've lost are in some place like Heaven, and if they ever look back in my direction, or even intercede in my life in some way.
Again, the moment these thoughts float to the surface of my brain, I bat them away. But they return, dependably.
At some very low moments, I even say to my "angels", "Hey, if you're up there, I could use some fucking help here."
Just to be clear, I haven't gotten any responses. Yet. And no intercessions either.
Unless I have. Maybe those moments when something beautiful catches my eye and lifts me out whatever gloom I've wandered into are my angels saying, "Hey yourself. Here's some help."
