One Way or Another, This Darkness Got to Give
As my friends and many of my acquaintances know, my birthday is December 31st, just a few days away. I suppose I should be grateful that I get to save some time by combining my personal taking-stock of the past year of my life with the rest of the world's annual looking-back; a great big Reflection-Fest.
So -
This past year, I know some of you experienced pain and loss on levels that I'm not sure I could have endured. The death of a child, or a spouse - my brain won't even let me imagine these things for more than a few moments. But one of the things I learned (or remembered ) this past year was that it's a bad idea to put down your own emotions (just as it's a bad idea to compare yourself with others; a sucker's game, for sure). The emotions are what they are - no more, no less. Let 'em cycle through.
That said, I went through some stuff in 2016. About mid-year, I was reaching a point where the anxiety and depression I'd shrugged off and pushed away for a long time just got to be too much. I felt like all the padding had worn away and it was just metal on metal.
When my sister died in May, I began to seriously crumple, though most people around me weren't aware of it. (I attribute this in equal parts to my advanced skills at acting normal and people not being terribly observant overall.) But I still waited till late June to look for help from a professional.
I saw the therapist from July through November, and over that time, I got a decent grip on my situation. (In fact, though the phrase "get a grip" is usually not uttered in a kindly tone, it's actually a useful suggestion). And while she didn't pronounce me "all better", she did ask me, at our last session, if I thought it should be our last session, and I said yes, I think I know how to proceed from here.
Because really, it's all stuff I've known for a long time. I just need to remember, and to practice.
Of course, right around this time, this other thing happened, and it was kind of like the Universe was saying, "oh, you can deal with adversity now, huh? Is that what I heard you say? Well, how about if we make a reality TV star/con man President of the United States? And not even a good-natured one. A complete nasty creep on every level. And you'll have to see and read about him and hear about him every single day for the next four years. How about them apples, motherfucker?"
I admit, this will be a challenge. But I know I'm not alone, and I also feel certain this fool will fail, And I'm working on my mental health by not dwelling on the stupidity or malice or short-sighted greed of those who voted for him. I don't think that most of them will ever admit they were wrong, any more than HE ever will. The main thing is to minimize the damage he and his stooges can do before he's removed from power.
In the meantime, my advice, to myself and anyone else who might have asked for some, is, be good to each other, and let the words of love be said.
As my friends and many of my acquaintances know, my birthday is December 31st, just a few days away. I suppose I should be grateful that I get to save some time by combining my personal taking-stock of the past year of my life with the rest of the world's annual looking-back; a great big Reflection-Fest.
So -
This past year, I know some of you experienced pain and loss on levels that I'm not sure I could have endured. The death of a child, or a spouse - my brain won't even let me imagine these things for more than a few moments. But one of the things I learned (or remembered ) this past year was that it's a bad idea to put down your own emotions (just as it's a bad idea to compare yourself with others; a sucker's game, for sure). The emotions are what they are - no more, no less. Let 'em cycle through.
That said, I went through some stuff in 2016. About mid-year, I was reaching a point where the anxiety and depression I'd shrugged off and pushed away for a long time just got to be too much. I felt like all the padding had worn away and it was just metal on metal.
When my sister died in May, I began to seriously crumple, though most people around me weren't aware of it. (I attribute this in equal parts to my advanced skills at acting normal and people not being terribly observant overall.) But I still waited till late June to look for help from a professional.
I saw the therapist from July through November, and over that time, I got a decent grip on my situation. (In fact, though the phrase "get a grip" is usually not uttered in a kindly tone, it's actually a useful suggestion). And while she didn't pronounce me "all better", she did ask me, at our last session, if I thought it should be our last session, and I said yes, I think I know how to proceed from here.
Because really, it's all stuff I've known for a long time. I just need to remember, and to practice.
Of course, right around this time, this other thing happened, and it was kind of like the Universe was saying, "oh, you can deal with adversity now, huh? Is that what I heard you say? Well, how about if we make a reality TV star/con man President of the United States? And not even a good-natured one. A complete nasty creep on every level. And you'll have to see and read about him and hear about him every single day for the next four years. How about them apples, motherfucker?"
I admit, this will be a challenge. But I know I'm not alone, and I also feel certain this fool will fail, And I'm working on my mental health by not dwelling on the stupidity or malice or short-sighted greed of those who voted for him. I don't think that most of them will ever admit they were wrong, any more than HE ever will. The main thing is to minimize the damage he and his stooges can do before he's removed from power.
In the meantime, my advice, to myself and anyone else who might have asked for some, is, be good to each other, and let the words of love be said.
