Here's the thing about complaining - or even just talking about your pains, worries, and burdens in what you were hoping was a matter-of-fact, dispassionate tone: either the people you share these thoughts with don't see your situation as being all that bad, relatively speaking, and wish you would just suck it up for godssake, or they are truly moved by your problems and feel compelled to offer advice, which you actually did not want (even in the event that it's useful).
It's no secret that most of the best therapists and counselors have learned how to listen without saying much, but while still managing to convey sympathy. Most of us couldn't do that if our lives depended on it.
Once again, the two extremes are easy to pull off - you can either let it all hang out and express every dark, sad, bitter notion that haunts you in your times of trouble, or you can throttle back any and all expressions that might reveal you feel like you're about to fall off a cliff. Each has pros and cons, naturally.
I think a middle way might be better (and you probably knew I was going to say that); what I mean is, sure, it's not cool to lose your shit and either annoy or depress everyone within earshot, but neither is it a healthy course of action to shove every painful emotion into a vault in your guts. I'm not the first person to say this, by any means, but sometimes it's a good idea to catalog, in detail, everything that's wrong. And cry about it, while you're at it. Eventually the wallow will lose its appeal and shaking it off will seem like a great idea.
Notice I didn't say that doing this publicly is advisable. Your call.
No comments:
Post a Comment