I've been a salesman for the last, oh, nearly thirty years of my life. Was that part of my life-plan? <insert dark laugh here> ...Life-plan? What plan?
No, I went from vague visions of literary fame - which evaporated like piss on a hot rock when I realized that writing requires not just verbal facility and imagination (check and check), but solitude and discipline... (eh, not so much) - to slightly more concrete dreams of musical fortune. The music dream suited my temperament much better - physical, collaborative, and best of all, instant feedback from the audience (should there be one).
But once again, talent was only one check box out of many. And then there was the harsh reality of our band disintegrating, and then the subsequent bands and their members calling it quits or moving hundreds or thousands of miles away.
Still, to my credit - and to the credit of my beloved collaborator G. Gould - I persisted, even after the Shattering. Started to write my own tunes (after relying upon my brilliant mates for material up till then), and with G's help, formed a band, and even recorded some fine sessions.
But fame? Fortune? Not even sure we gigged enough to cover our recording budget. Well, no, I know we didn't.
And 'round this time my son was born. I was managing a tiny furniture store on College Avenue in North Oakland, and I thought I was doing pretty cool - I got a regular paycheck which along with Teri's pay from waitressing and tending bar in Sausalito covered our bills OK. We even had health insurance!
But motherhood and bar-work don't mix real well, so soon we were thinking about what Teri could do next. Challenges: 1) She had no other marketable skills - she was a stellar waitress and bartender, but had never done anything else (besides a year at School of Visual Arts in Manhattan); and 2) We had no money to invest in any kind of business.
Somehow - and this will require mighty backfill at some later date - one or two moms who knew us through the pre-school that John went to asked if Teri could do some after-school pick-up and then take care of their little ones till dropping them back home later in the day.
My wife went for it, then discovered that she had a real knack for caring for- for communicating with - young children. Soon, word got out, and the wave built, till she had a full roster of after-pre-school and summer kids. Which she then continued, with some variation, until my daughter was out of kindergarten. Well - maybe even beyond.
Point is, 1) She was as close as you can be to a stay-at-home parent for our kids, while still bringing in cash for the family (which I will just flat-out say was not trivial); and 2) She showed all the kids under her care real love. She was not just a custodian (though in truth, keeping children physically safe and free from fear is no small accomplishment).
Eventually, after getting accredited as a Nursery School teacher while Jackie was at Griffin School, Teri realized she had max'ed out on what she could give as a childcare provider. What next?
Gardens. Designing them, installing them, maintaining them. After years of caring for her own home gardens - first in the Berkeley flatlands, in the sun-blasted 4 ' x 8 ' dead zone in front of the concrete slab four-plex where we lived when Johnny was an infant, then in the more spacious/gracious front and back yards around the Rockridge house we've lived in since 1987 - Teri acquired an intimate awareness of the light, heat, shade, and moisture that each plant, bush, vine, and tree required to thrive.
I'm not ashamed of what I do for money. I'm ethical, I've always represented companies that provide good products and services for fair prices, and I've always strived to make my customers feel like we're all human beings looking to treat each other with respect.
But after all is said and done, what makes my work matter is that it has made my wife's work possible. What she has done is to make the world a better place. And I helped.
1 comment:
Sometimes out lives are lived so that others may realize their potentials. When asked what I wanted to do, I always replied "all I want to do is paint." From age 15 on that was true with music and writing entering the mix. "What are going to do for a living?" was the question that often followed. I knew I could have it both ways- earning a dollar and creating art. This time spent on the former had a severe impact on the later. Now? My wife is poised to publish her first book after having been a proprietor deal in Native American art, a practicing herbalist ( still active), My oldest son is a HS chemistry teacher, my youngest a massage therapist, and I'm trying to get back on the rails of producing art. Perspective and energy need a little sharpening, we'll see where it can go.
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