is still something my wife and I don't possess. And even with our youngest being 16 and our oldest 26, believe me, the work is not done. As a friend (and parent, and childcare center operator) once told us, little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems.
We've been very fortunate (KNOCK ON WOOD) in that our kids are healthy, smart and beautiful (and I speak with the utmost objectivity), but before everyone's eyes roll out of their heads, they also have imperfections, they still need our guidance, and we still lose sleep over them.
We've always felt that we were good parents, because our family is close, we enjoy each others' company, and our kids have rarely if ever gotten into any real trouble that required us to punish them (again, KOW).
After having had a lot of time to reflect on this, we now acknowledge that although we work hard at being good parents and we adore our children, the extent to which they are turning out well is as much a matter of luck, of genetics and circumstance, than from any particular skill on our part.
However, there are a couple of things we've learned along the way that are worth sharing. Mind, we don't claim we invented these, or that we put them into action anywhere close to as often we we should, but that doesn't mean they're not powerful:
1) Saying No to everything - severely controlling every aspect of your children's lives - is relatively easy, in the sense that it doesn't require a lot of thought. So is saying Yes to everything. Considering every decision on a case-by-case basis, though, is much more difficult. But it's what you need to do, as much as possible.
And -
2) Ulimately, you don't have control over your child's actions or their feelings. The only person whose feelings and actions you CAN control is you. And you need to maintain that control or you won't be able to help anyone, including yourself.`
We've been very fortunate (KNOCK ON WOOD) in that our kids are healthy, smart and beautiful (and I speak with the utmost objectivity), but before everyone's eyes roll out of their heads, they also have imperfections, they still need our guidance, and we still lose sleep over them.
We've always felt that we were good parents, because our family is close, we enjoy each others' company, and our kids have rarely if ever gotten into any real trouble that required us to punish them (again, KOW).
However, there are a couple of things we've learned along the way that are worth sharing. Mind, we don't claim we invented these, or that we put them into action anywhere close to as often we we should, but that doesn't mean they're not powerful:
1) Saying No to everything - severely controlling every aspect of your children's lives - is relatively easy, in the sense that it doesn't require a lot of thought. So is saying Yes to everything. Considering every decision on a case-by-case basis, though, is much more difficult. But it's what you need to do, as much as possible.
And -
2) Ulimately, you don't have control over your child's actions or their feelings. The only person whose feelings and actions you CAN control is you. And you need to maintain that control or you won't be able to help anyone, including yourself.`
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