WORK
I was thinking, the good news is that my current job - which has lasted more than six-and-a-half years, a relatively long time in my field, technology sales - is with a well-run company that has emerged as an industry leader. Not only that, but the pay and benefits are good, and the majority of the people I work alongside are friendly and intelligent, and helpful to each other.
The bad news? I'm not a star in this world. I'm actually below par. Everyone else on this team is deeply committed, and striving to crush their numbers (and most are decades younger than me, which has made me feel increasingly isolated). Me? I just want to do my job and go home every day and forget it all.
There was a time when I was a big deal, at other places I've worked. But I was younger and healthier, and most important, I took the game more seriously and cared more about winning.
I've had some good months along the way here, occasionally landing at or near the top of the stack in terms of sales, but there's been a pretty steady decline over the past couple of years, and I've felt increasingly disengaged. (Hard to pin down which is the cause and which is the effect - I think they take turns).
So I wasn't actually shocked when my manager took me aside at the end of the day a couple of weeks ago and told me I was probably going to be laid off at the end of the month, which has since been made official. But even if it wasn't a surprise, it was still upsetting, because although the job itself gives me very little pleasure, day to day, I'm not in good enough financial shape to retire quite yet. And I had come to assume that this would be my last job.
But now I'm faced with having to re-enter the job market again. At age 65.
I'm not panicking (yet). Again, I'm coming off a six year run at a very well-respected company, so I should be able to get some interviews and offers before too long.
But I'm going to have to either find something to do that I care about more than what I'm doing now, or at least give a convincing performance. In any event, the whole notion of applying for another job at this point makes me want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head.
Which is irrelevant. I have to work. But unlike what I had to deal with during many of my previous job transitions - and there have been many - which was, the absolute necessity to get another job, paying x amount of dollars, with benefits, as quickly as possible, this time I'll have a little breathing room. So I'll be able to consider the pros and cons of different companies and jobs before signing on anywhere.
This again is based on my getting actual job offers. But let's assume I will.
I know that this whole turn of events has created some real problems that I have to solve, and it's also unleashed a whole slew of emotions that are exhausting me. So I'm trying to strike a balance between taking this all seriously enough to come up with some practical plans and decisions, and not making it any more dramatic than it needs to be.
After all, it's just work. It's not like it's music, or family, right?
I was thinking, the good news is that my current job - which has lasted more than six-and-a-half years, a relatively long time in my field, technology sales - is with a well-run company that has emerged as an industry leader. Not only that, but the pay and benefits are good, and the majority of the people I work alongside are friendly and intelligent, and helpful to each other.
The bad news? I'm not a star in this world. I'm actually below par. Everyone else on this team is deeply committed, and striving to crush their numbers (and most are decades younger than me, which has made me feel increasingly isolated). Me? I just want to do my job and go home every day and forget it all.
There was a time when I was a big deal, at other places I've worked. But I was younger and healthier, and most important, I took the game more seriously and cared more about winning.
I've had some good months along the way here, occasionally landing at or near the top of the stack in terms of sales, but there's been a pretty steady decline over the past couple of years, and I've felt increasingly disengaged. (Hard to pin down which is the cause and which is the effect - I think they take turns).
So I wasn't actually shocked when my manager took me aside at the end of the day a couple of weeks ago and told me I was probably going to be laid off at the end of the month, which has since been made official. But even if it wasn't a surprise, it was still upsetting, because although the job itself gives me very little pleasure, day to day, I'm not in good enough financial shape to retire quite yet. And I had come to assume that this would be my last job.
But now I'm faced with having to re-enter the job market again. At age 65.
I'm not panicking (yet). Again, I'm coming off a six year run at a very well-respected company, so I should be able to get some interviews and offers before too long.
But I'm going to have to either find something to do that I care about more than what I'm doing now, or at least give a convincing performance. In any event, the whole notion of applying for another job at this point makes me want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head.
Which is irrelevant. I have to work. But unlike what I had to deal with during many of my previous job transitions - and there have been many - which was, the absolute necessity to get another job, paying x amount of dollars, with benefits, as quickly as possible, this time I'll have a little breathing room. So I'll be able to consider the pros and cons of different companies and jobs before signing on anywhere.
This again is based on my getting actual job offers. But let's assume I will.
I know that this whole turn of events has created some real problems that I have to solve, and it's also unleashed a whole slew of emotions that are exhausting me. So I'm trying to strike a balance between taking this all seriously enough to come up with some practical plans and decisions, and not making it any more dramatic than it needs to be.
After all, it's just work. It's not like it's music, or family, right?
4 comments:
I have been there multiple times so I feel for you. It’s emotionally upsetting being laid off but especially at this age. And looking for a new job takes such energy and forcing yourself to be positive when you really don’t feel that way. I actually took the opportunity to change careers to work that I was passionate about — working for non-profits helping seniors. It meant a huge cut in pay but I worked out a budget so I could afford it. Consequently, I had several years of lower stress and greater job satisfaction before retiring last year. If I can help in any way let me know. Best of luck, Steve.
Carolyn, thanks for the wise words!
I find that as I age and the end is much closer than the beginning, it's the day that counts. My thinking is that as long as you get up in the morning, or at the least, early afternoon, you'll be fine. Your talents are many.
I've been there too. Scary at first, but all things must pass.
As Carolyn suggests, this could be the beginning of a great adventure.
Might be too late to get on the cover of Teen Beat, but who knows what lies in store?
Good luck with the exploration!
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