I've always known that there are limits

to how clearly we can see each other and how deeply we can comprehend what another person is going through as they make their way, hour by hour, day by day.

But you can't spend all your time asking probing questions, analyzing behavior, and brooding over your findings. No one can live like that. Instead, you try to pay attention and weigh what you see and hear, then ultimately make some assumptions and guesses. And then largely take things at face value.

If that marriage seems happy, well, it's probably happy. If that child appears well cared for, then there you go. If a friend acts content and well-adjusted, great, all's right with the world.

And there's no denying that as we grow older, most of us become more adept at masking our pain and unhappiness. We don't want to whine, since we sure don't like to listen to others whine, or we don't want to burden friends or family, and whatever it is will pass anyway, or maybe we just don't want any more well-meaning but useless advice.

No one's doing anything wrong, really, but between our willingness to avoid looking too closely and our ability to stay poker-faced while the floorboards are starting to give, it's a wonder we know ANYTHING about each other.

As many of my friends have heard by now, a man I knew and loved as a brother since we were little kids took his life this week, with no obvious motive or triggering event. And as harsh as it sounds, I almost wish it had been a random accident, or even murder. In those instances, I would still have to live with the loss, and the cruelty of fate, but I wouldn't have to wonder what I'd missed, or what he'd buried inside.